


The Beast

by kpop7729



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Amnesia, Animal Transformation, Demonic Beast, Freeform, M/M, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Post-Canon, Pre-Established Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27174091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpop7729/pseuds/kpop7729
Summary: When Felix gets turned into a demonic beast from a spell that was aimed at Dimitri, the king refuses to let his lover go. He will not kill Felix. He'll find a way to turn him back into a human, no matter what.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	1. Becoming The Beast

**Author's Note:**

> Probably a strange idea but fun to write. 
> 
> TW: A suicidal thought

The Beast roared. He would not allow himself to be captured by anyone or anything. He would not allow himself to be bested. The blonde-haired man, the one with an eyepatch, led the charge against him. Even if the humans didn’t attack first, The Beast would have gone after them. Humans within his line of sight simply shouldn’t survive. He had no reason to believe this was right, no one had told him so, yet he knew it was what he must do. 

But with them all charging at him at once, it left The Beast confused. Where was he supposed to attack first? How was it that humans came together to do such things? Why couldn’t he _move_? He had to keep moving, to keep fighting. If he could do nothing else, he at least had to do that, no matter what.

But it was too late, by the time he snapped out of whatever trance they put him in, a spell firing at him put him into another one. His whole being felt heavy, he didn’t want to but he drifted off to sleep...

Was this how he died? 

* * *

Felix couldn’t remember what happened on their last mission. 

Which means something must’ve happened, something important. At least Felix probably acquired a terrible head injury if he was forgetting things. Though his head didn’t hurt. Funny, he couldn’t really feel much of anything. He tried moving his arm. He could move it but he couldn't really _feel_ it, if that made sense. He was also extremely cold. Was he sick or something? This didn’t seem good.

He didn't know how he had gotten in his and Dimitri's shared room. The door was currently ajar but he didn't remember walking in or being carried here. He should probably go find someone and tell them he had woken up, assuming he was unconscious before. The scary thing was he didn't remember getting up at all. He was currently standing but he couldn't remember getting up and actually doing the action.  Deciding it’d be better to find answers sooner rather than later, he headed off to find Mercedes. Or Dimitri. Anyone.

Luckily he spotted Dimitri in the castle's hallway, a familiar dark look on his face. Was he blaming himself for whatever happened to Felix? He would tell Dimitri that he was fine now, he didn’t have to stew in self-hatred any longer. Well, he was fine other than not remembering the battle. And being numb and extremely cold. He had forgotten about that part. Still, he was alive at least.

“Dimitri, he’s woken up, but he doesn’t seem too happy...” Mercedes words stopped him from approaching Dimitri. Who were they talking about? For some reason instead of butting in and interrupting like he usually would, Felix decided to listen. 

“I need to see him,” Dimitri said, determination in his expression and voice. He hadn’t seen him that determined since he told Felix how he felt, terrified of rejection but feeling he owed it to Felix instead of avoiding him. Well, Felix had kind of pushed him into it, but Dimitri had started avoiding him first. He wasn't having any of that, not again. 

“I thought you might say that. I just want to prepare you for what you’ll see in there.” Mercedes warned. 

Dimitri laughed darkly. “I’ve seen many things, some worse than this. If I can’t handle this what right do I have to be king? To stand by him?” Was Dimitri talking about Felix or whoever this mysterious person was that he was going to see? 

Dimitri started walking and Felix followed him. “Dimitri,” Felix called, trying to get him to stop for a moment, though he knew it would be hard when the man was like this. Of course, Dimitri just kept going, so Felix followed him. 

They were going to the dungeons it seemed. Who the hell were they keeping down there that got Dimitri so worked up? He really had forgotten something important, hadn’t he? 

“Your Majesty, allow me to accompany you,” Dedue said. He seemed to be guarding the entrance to the dungeons for the time being. 

“I’ve got it,” Felix said, glaring at  Dedue. Dedue paid him no mind. 

“This is something I have to do on my own, Dedue.” Dimitri told him. 

“Then Dimitri, allow me to accompany you as a friend instead.” Dedue offered. 

“I have to do this on my own,” Dimitri repeated, walking past Dedue.

“I’ve got it,” Felix told Dedue once more, but the man wouldn’t even look at him. Just who was down there?

He followed Dimitri deep into the dungeons until they were by a large cell. Which kept a monster. A demonic beast. Why was Dimitri visiting one of them? Was it...was it one of their friends? Is that what he had forgotten? Wouldn’t it have been merciful to kill them instead of keeping them down here? Felix would’ve done it himself if he could, so he must’ve not been able to when the person had turned into a beast.

“Who is this?” Felix tried asking Dimitri but received no answer. 

“I’m here now,” Dimitri said, standing in front of the cell. He looked so...defeated. Felix really needed to know who this was.

The monster roared, seemingly trying to breathe a fireball in Dimitri's direction and failing miserably. It also seems the bars were enchanted, otherwise, the monster would’ve broken out a long time ago. 

“I’m not here to hurt you. If my presence agitates you, I’ll leave, but I had to make sure you were unharmed.”

"We need to kill it,” Felix told Dimitri. He didn’t know who this was, and now he was positive it was better that he didn’t. It’d be better to get rid of the monster first and ask questions later. He wouldn't hesitate with his decision to end the monster's life. 

Still, Dimitri ignored him. “I’m here if you need anything, I’ll do anything for you. I’m so sorry my incompetence allowed you to be in such a state. But I won’t give up. I’m not willing to lose you. I’ll search the ends of the earth until I find a way to change you back.”’

This wasn’t healthy. He wouldn’t lose Dimitri to the dead again. 

“Dimitri,” He tried to put his hand on his shoulder but it went _right through him_. His hand went through Dimitri’s body, like some sort of ghost. Then Felix realized something. 

Oh.

He was dead.

At least now he knew for sure the dead Dimitri talked about were purely hallucinations. Dimitri sure as hell couldn’t see or hear Felix now. 

Did Dimitri know he was dead? Had he moved on that quickly? Felix should be glad. There was no use focusing on the dead, he’d had to learn that the hard way. He should be glad.

He wasn’t.

What a selfish thought, if Felix wasn’t dead he’d kill himself. 

“My love, if you can hear me, do not worry. You will not remain this way forever, no matter what has to be done to ensure that.”

My love? That was his name for Felix. Did that mean..?

_ Felix was the monster? _

Said monster just growled at Dimitri. No, he didn’t want to do that! If this was him, he could stop himself.

“Stop that.” He warned himself, warned the monster. The monster didn’t see him, either. He couldn’t even see his own damn self. How pathetic.

Eventually, the monster grew tired of growling. It tried to breathe out flames again, but all that came out was a relatively harmless puff of smoke. Pathetic. Felix could fight better than that. Not that he wanted the monster to be able to. He didn’t want to hurt Dimitri. 

“I apologize for upsetting you, that wasn’t my intention. If it's what you wish, I won’t come back here until I have a cure in my hand.” Dimitri said, starting to walk off. However, he did turn to look at the monster one more time when it started growling again. It tried to breathe out a fireball, but all that came out was more smoke, causing the monster to slump to the ground. In defeat? In pain? Felix didn’t know. He couldn’t tell what this monster was feeling. 

This caused Dimitri to rush back to its cell. “Are you alright, love?” The monster of course didn’t answer, just looked at Dimitri. It did seem weaker, but Felix couldn’t be sure.

“I’ll get Mercedes to check you out if you’ll allow her.” The monster couldn’t really protest in this state. Pitiful.

Hesitantly Dimitri reached his hand out towards the monster. And then proceeded to _pet its head_. How stupid of him. Just because the monster couldn’t break magic bars or breath fire, didn’t mean its razor sharp teeth couldn’t bite. 

Surprisingly, the monster didn’t bite his hand off. In fact, it leaned into the touch. Huh. Felix hadn’t been trying to make that happen, but it was a better outcome then he could’ve hoped for.

“I’m here for you, always. No matter what Felix. Even if you hate me, and you would be right to. Still, I will remain by your side for as long as you have need of me.” 

Felix wished he could shut Dimitri’s stupid mouth up, but no matter what he did it just went right through his body. Felix tried to knock some sense into him with his fist, but Dimitri didn’t flinch a bit. He tried kicking him, but he didn’t budge. There was no mark proving that he made contact. No sound. Nothing. He knew he said he didn't want to hurt Dimitri, but he had to try something. He didn't know what was going on with him. If he wasn’t dead, what exactly was he? Is this what happened to everyone who turned into a demonic beast? They were forced to watch the pain they caused?

Of course peace wouldn’t last, it never did. The monster started to get agitated again and started growling. This time it did attempt to bite Dimitri’s hand off. Thank Goddess Dimitri was quick enough to move his hand away. If Felix ever did become normal again, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he hurt Dimitri. At least not in such a permanent way. 

“Alright, I’ll leave now. Though I’m glad you seem better.” Dimitri said as the monster stood tall again. 

“I’ll say one final thing. I love you, Felix. No matter what. Never forget that.” 

“I love you too,” Felix told him despite knowing Dimitri couldn’t hear him. Maybe that’s why he said it. It was still difficult for Felix to say such sappy words. He supposed he should say it more often. If he lived, he would tell Dimitri he loved him no matter what, he always had, even if it didn’t always seem like it.

When Dimitri’s declaration just earned a snarl from the monster, he left. Felix couldn’t bring himself to follow. Instead, he looked at what he’s become. He had dark black scaly skin, sharp claws, and sharper teeth. Also a snout. He looked sort of like a dragon but not a dragon, it was hard to explain. He had a long scaly tail, but he didn't have wings. His eyes were the same color they usually were, maybe Felix should've guessed this was him all along. He was a monster. Disgusting. 

He had to figure out how to get back to Dimitri, no matter what.


	2. Uselessness and Confusion

Felix didn't know what he was doing.

He knew he had to get back to Dimitri, that much was certain. But he had no idea how to do it. He didn't have anyone he could go to for help. No one could hear him. Perhaps Mercedes was working on a solution to get him back to normal right now? He should go and find her to see if she made progress. 

He found her in the castle's infirmary, dozens of books sprawled out around her. She was on the floor reading, and occasionally taking notes. Was she making good progress? 

Felix peeked at her notes. She didn't have anything substantial. Was it even possible for him to change back? Even if he was doomed to be a monster forever, something he hated, he had to get back to his body. Maybe if he did, he could get the monster to stop growling at Dimitri. And to stop trying to bite his hand off, that wasn't too good either. 

"Mercedes?" Felix tried. She probably wouldn't be able to hear him, but he had to try. He had to at least try to get people to hear him. 

As expected she didn't answer. She didn't flinch, nothing. Great. 

Felix left. He deiced to go check on Dimitri, though he knew it wouldn't be pretty. Maybe it could give him a hint as to what happened at the last battle. 

He was about to go inside their shared room to check on him when he heard a voice coming from inside. 

"I know Glenn, I promise I'll get rid of whoever did this to Felix. They deserve to rot in hell. I won't let Felix perish. He won't be like this forever." 

Nope, he wasn't going through this again.

Felix barged in, well, more like the phased through the door. 

"There's no one in here except for you and me! Glenn's _dead!_ " Felix yelled, but Dimitri couldn't hear him. 

It seemed Felix's situation wasn't too good for Dimitri's mental health. Dimitri was currently on the bed holding his knees to his chest, whispering things to ghosts that weren't there. 

"Please, do not look at me like that. I promise your brother is safe. I would never harm him, even if he harms me." Dimitri whispered, his voice trembling. 

"Dimitri..." Felix started, but it was pointless to say anything more. The other couldn't hear him. 

It just as pointless to stay here. He couldn't do anything to help Dimitri in this state. It was a bit difficult, but he managed to leave the room, leave Dimitri to be haunted by people who weren't there, and headed back to the dungeons. 

What he didn't expect was someone else to be there, visiting the monster as well. 

It was Sylvain. 

What was he doing here? If he didn't have a way to change Felix back there was no use being down here with this monster. 

"Hey there, I thought I'd check up on you." Sylvain said casually like it was any other conversation with Felix. He knew that wasn't the case. It must be hard for Sylvain, he went through something similar with his brother. Sylvain had been the one to strike his brother down. Sure his brother was an asshat, but that didn't mean the whole situation hadn't affected Sylvain. 

The monster growled at Sylvain in warning. It didn't seem to want to be bothered. 

"Woah there buddy. I'm not here to fight, just wanted to make sure you were okay and to fill you in on what's going on. No need to growl at me." Sylvain said, holding his hands up as if it to say he was harmless. He didn't even bring a weapon. Stupid. 

Still, he did say he was here to fill Felix in on what was going on. Felix needed to hear this. 

The monster still growled at Sylvain, but it was a weaker one this time. That was something?

"His Majesty has been beating himself up pretty badly, he feels like it's his fault. I mean, the spell was directed at him. We all saw, but you were the one who was fast enough to protect him. He didn't notice the spell coming while he was engaged with another enemy. One that was bringing stuff up about that past, probably as a strategy to distract him." So that was what happened, why Dimitri was so down on himself. Felix wanted to go and tell him it wasn't his fault. Felix had decided to protect him and would do it again. It had nothing to do with Goddess dammed chivalry, him being a king, or Felix being a Fraldarius and Dimitri being a Blaiddyd. Dimitri was his lover for Goddess' sake, Felix would protect him regardless of his status. He was strong enough to do that and survive. At least, that was what Felix thought.

Still, he wasn't dead yet. He had to come back to Dimitri. It was unlike him to give up so easily, he wouldn't allow himself. He wasn't dead yet.

"Mercedes is doing everything she can to find a cure, but she hasn't been having much luck. If you know how to change back, now would be a good time to do it. Or talk. Talking would be good too." Sylvain suggested. He wished he could talk, but Sylvain wouldn't hear him.

"Sylvain," Felix tried anyway. Someone had to hear him eventually. Felix didn't know what to do otherwise. 

The monster growled at Sylvain, louder this time. It didn't seem to be trying to breathe fire again, but it seemed to be getting close to that point. 

"Alright, alright. I can take a hint. I'll leave you alone for now." Sylvain said, raising his hands again in surrender. "I will say one more thing before I go. You can't go dying on me, Fe. We promised we'd die together, remember?" Of course Felix did. He wasn't planning on breaking that promise. 

Sylvain left the monster, it was growling as he left. 

Felix sighed, a hand running through his hair. He was out of ideas. He'd figured out what happened, but he didn't know how to get back to his body. 

Suddenly he had an idea.

"You," Felix said, trying to get the monster to listen to him. The monster didn't hear him. 

"I'm going back inside you now, whether you like it or not. The only one who gets to growl at my friends is me." 

Felix phased through the cell. He then tried to force himself back into the monster's body, but he just phased through it. Shit. What the hell was he supposed to do now? 

"Well, any ideas beast?" Felix asked. Of course, the monster didn't answer him. Felix didn't expect it to. 

Hopefully, Mercedes would find a solution soon. For now, Felix would try his best to figure something out and get people to hear him. He couldn't think of any better ideas at the moment. 

* * *

"Dimitri, this probably won't work. I want you to be prepared if that's the case. I'll still keep looking if it doesn't, and the professor should be back with information any day now." 

"I told you to come to me if you had any ideas, did I not Mercedes? If you're going to try this, I want to be there." 

Voices were approaching. Usually, The Beast would be excited at the prospect of prey approaching, but all voices meant now was that he was in danger. The humans had managed to capture him. He didn't know what they were waiting for, why hadn't they killed him yet? There was a reason, but The Beast couldn't exactly remember. His memory seemed to be faulty. Memory wasn't something too important to him anyway. Killing was his purpose, but he couldn't even do that now, behind these bars. 

"I just want you to be prepared. The other things we tried didn't work out either." He could see the people now. The dangerous blonde man with the eye patch was there, the one who had captured him. The Beast wanted to rip him in two. He growled at his presence but was ignored. 

"Well we have to try something! I won't just sit idle and do nothing! We're still working on tracking down the people that did this to him, and when we do..." The Beast heard a familiar sound in his voice. Bloodlust. This man was just as bloodthirsty as he was, though he was not a beast himself. It was strange. 

"I know Dimitri. It's hard, but you have to be patient. We'll find answers soon." The woman tried to soothe the man but it was futile. Bloodthirsty beings such as himself could not be soothed. 

"You should know by now that I'm anything but patient. This will not hurt him, will it?" The man asked, turning to her and crossing his arms, looming over her dangerously. The threat was clear in his voice. Should harm come to whoever he was talking about, he would end her. The Beast couldn't relate to that. He didn't care about anyone but himself. 

The woman didn't seem fazed at all. She was used to bloodlust, it seemed. "The only thing bad that can happen is nothing at all. Whether it works or not, it won't hurt him, I made sure of it." She seemed to be trying to reassure the beast-like man. 

"For your sake, I hope so." The man warned her with a final threat before the woman's hands glowed white. Her hands were pointed in The Beast's direction. Was she trying to use magic on him? The beast snarled at her at the fact.

"Calm down, this won't hurt a bit." The woman told him. The Beast wasn't reassured. He tried to breathe fire at her, but all that came out was smoke. What was wrong with him?! Why couldn't he breathe his fire? The beast growled at her. His tail hit the cage but the bars didn't budge. He wasn't strong enough to break anything in this damn place! He had to get stronger. 

Eventually, the woman put her hands down and they stopped glowing. "I'm sorry, Dimitri..." The woman said. 

The words seemed to ignite rage within the man. "Why are you apologizing to me?! You should be apologizing to him! He's the one who's suffering from your failures! Do I need to remind you of the consequences if you don't produce results?" The man yelled, getting as close to her face as possible without actually touching her.

"Now Dimitri, don't do something you'll regret." The woman warned him, still seeming unfazed. 

The man took a step back. "You're right...forgive me, Mercedes." Without giving her a chance to respond, he walked off. 

"Oh, Dimitri," The woman said, sighing. Then she turned to look back at The Beast. 

"I'm sorry Felix, but don't worry. We'll figure something out." What was she talking about? The Beast growled at her, but again she seemed unfazed. 

"He's really worried about you, you know. I heard you let him pet you when you first woke up. I think he could use that now. Of course, only if you're able to. You are the one who's going through the worst of it after all." Pet him? Was she talking to him? No one dared to pet The Beast. Except for that man, and for some reason The Beast had let him. He had been foolish. Perhaps the only reason was that he sensed that he was beast-like himself. The Beast knew that wasn't the case, but had no other explanation for it. 

"I'll be leaving now, but think about what I said. Goodbye, Felix." The woman told him before leaving. Was she even talking to him this whole time? The Beast vaguely remember the man with the eyepatch speaking before, but it wasn't to The Beast. He mentioned several names, none of them were his own. Not that he owned a name. He didn't, did he? The man was talking to people that weren't seen when he was down here. Was The Beast the only one who couldn't see them? Was that woman talking about another invisible person? 


	3. Hello?

"I can sing for you if you want. I'll sing any song you want, the library one, the sweets one, the swamp beasties one. Well I guess the last one probably isn't a good idea right now considering...I'll go with the sweets one!" Annette started to sing, and Felix let himself be distracted by it. It seemed the monster felt the same way because for once it stopped growling and just listened. Good. It seemed it wasn't immune to Annette's songs after all. Maybe some of Felix was still in there? 

The singing didn't last long enough for Felix, because Ingrid snuck up on Annette. Or at least, Annette felt she did. She couldn't hear her over the library song she was now singing. Felix always liked that one. 

"Ah! Ingrid, don't scare me like that!" Annette yelled, stopping her song. 

"My apologies, though I did call out to you. Is Felix alright?" 

"Um, yes...I was just trying to cheer him up! Give him some entertainment! I wouldn't usually do anything silly like that." Annette tried to convince Ingrid, her face red. 

"Of course," Ingrid said, sounding less than convinced. "He does seem a bit calmer when you sing, calmer than he's been in a while," Ingrid said. 

"Well I'm happy to help! Though I do my best singing with less of an audience..."

"I'll leave you to it then." 

"No, you should take some time with him. I was about to leave anyway. Merci wanted me to check out a spell she found." Annette told her before leaving the monster alone with Ingrid. 

With no one there to see her, Ingrid let her expression become sorrowful. "Felix..." She said, sighing. 

"I'm sure you can't hear me either," Felix tried. Of course, Ingrid didn't answer. 

The monster just growled at her, its eyes darting around the room. What the hell was it looking for?

"I'm not here to harm you. I'm just checking on you. I'm sure the professor will be back soon, and then we should be able to start making a cure. I'm sure the professor was able to find some information. If anyone could do the impossible, it's the professor." Ingrid said. She sounded like she wanted the monster to believe her, but didn't quite believe herself. The monster just smacked its tail against the cell door. The cell wasn't going to break like that, idiot. 

"Hopefully I'll be back with good news soon. Until then, take care." Ingrid said, before leaving the monster on its own. 

Felix sighed. He was getting tired of this, him not being able to do anything. He couldn't talk to anyone. He couldn't help anyone. All he could do was stand there and watch. How pathetic. There was nothing more pathetic than watching people you care about suffer and doing nothing about it, not that Felix had a choice. Still, he felt like this was his fault. He had to get back to his body. He was going to. 

Despite thinking that, nothing changed. Days passed with visits from Dimitri, Sylvain, Ingrid, Annette, Ashe, and even Dedue. Felix oversaw Mercedes' research, but couldn't figure anything out. He wasn't good at all this magic stuff, especially white magic. She seemed convinced that was what would help him, though she did look at black and dark magic too. It was a spell of one of those types that turned him after all. 

Eventually, the professor returned. Everyone seemed to think that when they did, they'd be able to help Felix, or at least that's what they tried to convince themselves. Felix wasn't convinced. No matter what anyone said, it wasn't that simple to change someone back from a demonic beast. No one had ever done it before, why would the professor be achieve something like that with just a short trip, no matter what feats they'd accomplished in the past.

That was why, when the professor said they found something, everyone was shocked, Felix included. He didn't think they'd actually find something, but it seemed he was wrong for not believing in them. 

"That's great news!" Annette eventually broke the shocked silence. 

"Will it hurt him? I will not allow harm to come to him." Dimitri said, growling a bit. 

"Of course not, I made sure to find a solution that wouldn't hurt him. We should go get Mercedes and try it out." The professor told them. 

They all hurried to the infirmary, practically running to Mercedes. Maybe he should be touched that they were so desperate to get him back, but he couldn't help but think they were naive. Just because the professor found something doesn't mean it would work. He wouldn't get his hopes. He couldn't. 

After picking up Mercedes, everyone headed toward the dungeons. 

"Mercedes, Annette, I'll need your help." The professor told them once they arrived at the monster's cell.

"Sure thing!" Annette agreed cheerfully. She was really certain this was going to work, wasn't she?

"Of course Professor," Mercedes agreed. 

The professor then explained the details of the spell to their former students, but Felix couldn't help but zone out. Would this really work? If it did, would he be back in his body? Or would his spirit be split in two forever? If it was, would whatever was left of him in that body be a bit nicer to people? Felix hoped it at least wouldn't try to attack his friends anymore.

The professor, Annette, and Mercedes all held their hands out in front of the monster. Their hands were glowing white. The monster growled at them, slapped its tail against its cell, snapped its teeth at them, tried to breathe fire, it seemed angrier than ever. Did that mean the spell was working? 

Eventually, the professor lowered their hands, the glow disappearing. Annette and Mercedes followed suit. "It didn't work." The professor said, a small frown on their face. Shit.

"What do you mean it didn't work?! This was our last chance! Just what do you propose we do now?" Dimitri roared. The monster seemed to be looking at him curiously. Recognition? Felix could only hope, but that sounded too good to be true. 

"I'm not sure." The professor admitted. They seemed positive the spell was going to work, but now they just looked confused. 

"So what, are you giving up?" Dimitri demanded. 

"Of course not Dimitri. I just need to figure some things out." 

"We've been figuring things out for three months now!" Dimitri screamed, slamming his fist into the wall of the dungeon. There was a long crack in the wall now. Dimitri's outburst seemed to startle the monster. It actually seemed like it was trying to make itself smaller, backing away from the cell door as much as possible and lowering itself to the ground. 

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to scare you." Dimitri said, slowly approaching the cell door. The monster hesitantly raised its head, looking at Dimitri. It didn't seem to want to fight or get angry, only watch. 

"This is hopeless," Felix complained, though it's not like anyone could hear him. Apparently, it'd been three months. The news had shocked Felix. It seemed time moved quicker than it appeared to in this state. What felt like it had been only a couple of days to Felix, was a few months to everyone else. Even though Felix had seen the sun fall and rise, he should know how many days had passed. His head was messed up in this in-between state he was in. 

"It's not hopeless." The professor suddenly said. Had they read his mind or something? Felix raised an eyebrow. 

"Really? It seems like it to me." 

"It's not." The professor replied again. Could they hear him, or was it just a coincidence? 

"It'll be alright Professor. We'll figure this out, I'm sure of it. Now that we're all back together again we can find a solution together." Mercedes tried to reassure them, putting a hand on their shoulder. 

"Why are you telling me?" The professor stared at her blankly. 

"Well, since you were trying to help everyone see this isn't hopeless, I was trying to do the same," Mercedes explained.

"You can't hear him?" The professor asked. Goddess, could they hear him? If they could, they would be able to figure something out, Felix was sure of it. At the very least, he had a way to communicate with everyone now. 

"You hear the voices of the dead too? I know what they must be telling you about me, but I haven't given up. I will never give up on Felix." Dimitri told the professor. 

"The dead are gone." Felix said, even though Dimitri couldn't hear him. 

"That's right, they are." The professor answered Felix. So they could hear him?

"If you can hear me, can you tell Dimitri that? No one else seems to be able to hear me." 

"Dimitri, I'm not hearing the dead. I think I'm hearing Felix." 

"You _think_? You better be sure before saying something like that, otherwise, I won't hesitate to-" 

"Will you shut up?" Felix said. 

"Felix told you to shut up." The professor said, which made Dimitri stop talking. 

"Felix, is that really you the professor is hearing," Dimitri said, walking over to the cell and gripping the bars. The monster growled at him. "I won't hurt you, I swear it, I only want to help-" Dimitri is cut off by having to quickly back away from the cell. The monster's tail smacked against the bars again. 

"That's not me. At least, not completely. I'm half here, half there. It doesn't really make sense. I was trying to figure out how to get back in my body, but I couldn't figure anything out. Maybe you could start with that and then work on changing me back?" Felix suggested. It was an idea at least.

"If that's the case, that's probably why the spell didn't work." The professor told him. 

"What? What is he saying?" Dimitri demanded. 

"He's the beast, but he also isn't. It seems his spirit's been split. It needs to be whole before the spell can work." The professor explained. 

"Does-does that mean Felix is kind of like...a ghost?" Ashe asked in fear. Felix rolled his eyes.

"Don't be stupid," Felix told him. 

"A ghost?! But it's just Felix. Surely, if he was a ghost, he wouldn't be a scary ghost...right?" 

"You're not scared of the monster over there but of a ghost you can't even see or hear?" Felix asked. He was perplexed, but also sort of amused. Annette and Ashe sure were weird. 

"He said he's not a ghost." The professor explained. 

"Not trying to be rude, but what if you're just hearing things, Professor?" Sylvain asked. 

"It's Felix." The professor said, the same usual blank expression on their face. Not extremely convincing. 

"The professor wouldn't lie, they know what would happen if they did." Dimitri said darkly. Could he stop threatening people? 

"Felix," The professor addressed him, looking at the cell. 

"I just said that's not me." Felix told them.

"But it is. For your spirit to come back together, you have to accept that the monster in there is you. Part of you seems to have rejected the fact that you've turned into a demonic beast. It would be a difficult thing to fathom. However, if you don't accept it, you'll be stuck in limbo forever."

Felix paled. Or he would if he could get any paler. He _did_ kind of look like a ghost. Maybe that's kind of technically what he was? But telling Annette and Ashe that wouldn't help.

"I know that's me, but it's also not," Felix told them.

"That's not the case, actually. You have complete control over your actions in there, Felix. It's also you. What you've done in there is all you. You need to accept that if you come back to your body your actions might not change while you're in that form. And it'll be best for us to wait a bit before attempting the spell again, we need to make sure we're at full power. You won't be able to hurt anyone, but you have to understand that you might try to."

Well, that wasn't good news. Still, Felix had to accept it. He had no other choice. He couldn't actually hurt anyone. He had to accept that the monster was him. The one trying to hurt his friends and growling at them was him. 

_He_ was a monster. Funny how he called Dimitri such a thing in the past and now Felix was the one that was actually the monster. Was it some kind of sick karma? 

"Alright, I get it. I tried to roast you alive and bite Dimitri's hand off. _I_ did that. I could've seriously hurt Dimitri. At least before I go back tell him not to be stupid and stick his hands inside the cell again."

"Felix wants me to tell you not to stick your hands in the cell again, he doesn't want to hurt you." The professor said. 

"I'll only do so if he's injured," Dimitri said. Good enough, he guessed. 

"Alright, what do I do now?" Felix asked the professor. 

"Try to go back into your body." They said, gesturing toward the monst- Felix. Same thing. He, the one inside the cell, growled at the professor. Was this a sign to work on his temper or something?

"I already tried that," Felix told them, frustrated. 

"Try again." They simply said. 

Felix guessed it couldn't hurt. He phased through the cell door and then attempted to enter his body. 


	4. To Meet Again

The Beast awoke. It seemed he had dozed off. He tried to get by without sleep, but the darkness always came to claim him at some point. If he rested for too long, his captors would kill him, he was sure of it. 

"Felix, you're awake?" The blonde man with the eyepatch was back again. The Beast growled at him. Wait, Felix? Was that The Beast's name? He didn't know how, but it made sense now. Felix. His name was Felix. 

The man walked up the cell, close enough for Felix to smell his scent but not enough for him to be able to reach him. He smelt...familiar. Mate? Was that the smell of his mate? It was, Felix was sure of it. Beasts usually don't have mates, but it seemed Felix was unique. Felix couldn't remember his mate's name, but he'd know that smell anywhere. 

Felix got down and brought his head to the ground. He had to make sure the man knew he wouldn't hurt him. Felix could never.

"I didn't startle you again, did I? If I did, I'm sorry." The man said. The Beast, Felix, got up and shook his head.

The man's blue eye went wide. "Did you...did you just answer me?"

The Beast growled in conformation. 

"Should I take this as a yes?" This man laughed, seemingly amused. His laugh was...Felix wasn't sure how to describe it. Magnificent? Beautiful? Whatever it was, it left The Beast entranced. 

"I did promise I wouldn't put my hands inside the cell, but..." Of course the man wouldn't listen. For some reason, his stubbornness felt familiar. 

The blonde man stuck a hand inside to pet his head. The Beast admitted, it felt nice. He didn't lean into the touch, but he didn't pull away either. 

"At this rate, you'll be back to normal soon." The man told him. Normal? What did he mean? Did he mean he'd free him soon? He didn't like being trapped in this cell. 

"I don't see a reason for me to head back to our chambers, I can stay here with you if you'd like." The man said before leaving. He just said he would stay, why was he leaving? Felix got his answer when the man came back, a key in hand. Was he finally setting him free? Felix jumped up in excitement. 

"I can't exactly let you out yet, for that I am sorry. I can however do this." The man told him. He unlocked the cell before shutting himself inside, the keys in his pocket. If he had them why couldn't he just let them out? Did he like dingy, dirty cells? Did he like being trapped? Felix hated it. 

The Beast slumped to the ground in defeat. What was the point if he couldn't leave this place? 

"I'm sorry my love, this is best I can do for now." The man said, petting his head again. The Beast just huffed at him. "I'll make sure everyone still visits you, but the professor, Mercedes, and Annette may be busy researching. They want to make sure the spell goes perfectly this time." 

The spell? What spell? Felix titled his head in confusion. 

"Do you not know what I'm talking about?" The man asked. 

Felix shook his head. 

The man chuckled. "It's alright, I'm just referring to something you need to get out of here. After they cast the spell, we can go anywhere you want."

Felix perked up at that. He was going to get out here eventually, that was good news at least. For the time being, he had the company of his mate. It wasn't too bad a situation. 

For the next couple of days, they received visitors who talked to them and brought them food. The man occasionally stepped out of the cell, but always came right back. That girl, what was her name? She was the one that was always singing some peculiar songs. The Beast found himself enjoying them, occasionally thumping his tail along to them, causing the man to laugh. 

Felix didn't too well with other people, but they still came to see them. All of them were nice to him, even if he growled or tried to set them on fire. He sure hoped his fire would come back soon. He could possibly be persuaded not to set their visitors on fire if it did. Well, maybe he could just set one on fire. The red-headed man sure was annoying sometimes. 

A couple of days later, three people stood in front of his cell. His mate was still by his side. "It's time." The person in the middle said. Their hands glowed, and Felix couldn't help but growl. Apparently, this spell would get him out of here, but Felix had every right to be scared of it. 

"Relax love, they won't hurt you." His mate reassured. Felix just huffed and slumped to the ground. Whatever they were doing, they better hurry up. His patience would only last so long. 

Suddenly, the room was spinning, and black spots dotted his vision. Panicking, The Beast got up and swung his tail around the cell. It was too late when he remembered his mate was there as well. He turned to his mate worriedly. 

"I'm alright love, you're fine." The man, Dimitri?, assured. He was lying. Felix had hurt him, he was sure of it. 

"It might be best if he laid down." The person in the middle said. Felix growled at them. 

"If he'd rather lash out, I can take it." Dimitri told them.

"This spell might weaken him, he needs to rest." The person in middle told him. 

"Alright. Lay down with me, love." Instead of Dimitri resting against Felix like they've been doing for the past couple of nights, Dimitri brought Felix's head to his lap. "Rest, it'll be alright. I'll be here when you wake up." Because it was his mate, Felix listened and closed his eyes...

The next time he awoke, he was on something soft. A bed? His body felt different. He felt weird. He looked to the right and saw Dimitri sitting on a chair. It seemed his mate had fallen asleep. He looked peaceful for once. When they had slept in the cell, Dimitri had been plagued by nightmares. Felix tried his best to soothe him, wrap his tail gently around the man, or stroke his hair with it, but it was never enough. Dimitri was never at peace. Felix was glad to see him getting some proper rest now. 

He didn't want to disturb Dimitri, but he wasn't sure where he was. What was this place? And why did he feel so weird? He tried to get up, only to find he had two feet instead of four. What the hell? Was he human now? How had this happened? Dimitri hadn't told him about a plan to turn him human. Did he not like the way he was before? 

Deciding he couldn't wait any longer for answers, he walked over to Dimitri and shook him with the human hands he now had. Dimitri looked dazed for only a moment before smiling the brightest smile Felix had ever seen. "You're awake!" Dimitri exclaimed, pulling Felix down to sit on his lap, and holding him close. "I'm so, so sorry Felix. I don't know if you can ever forgive me. You have every right not to. It was all my fault. But I'm so glad we were able to turn you back." Dimitri said, sounding like he was trying not to cry. Or was he crying? Beast couldn't cry, so Felix wasn't sure if the water coming from his eyes was sweat or tears. 

Felix titled his head in confusion. Turn him back? What was his mate talking about?

"You still don't remember anything?" Dimitri asked. Felix shook his head, confused. Remember what? What was he supposed to remember? Dimitri laughed darkly. "I suppose it's never that easy, is it." He seemed upset. Felix tried his best to comfort him, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

"Don't worry about me, Felix. If anything, I'm more worried about you. You're aware you're human now, correct?" Dimitri asked. Felix nodded. "But you don't remember that you've always been human?" 

Felix's expression morphed into one of shock at that. Eventually, he shook his head. He'd been a human at first? He must've been missing a large chunk of his memories then. 

"We'll figure this out, I promise. We'll find a way to recover your memories. If it's any consolation at the moment, you don't have to stay in the dungeons anymore."

That did make him feel a bit better. It's not as if memory was an important thing. He knew the smell of his mate and his name. What else could be so important that he needed to remember it? The fact that he was human before did bring up some questions. Who was he supposed to kill now if it wasn't any human that crossed his path? How would he fight with this weak human body? He wished he could ask Dimitri, but he didn't know how to talk. Could he talk before? 

Felix pointed to his throat, hoping to get his point across. "You're thirsty?" Dimitri asked. Felix shook his head. "Your throat hurts?" Dimitri tried. Felix shook his head again. "You want to speak?" Dimitri guessed. Felix nodded. 

"You don't remember how to do that, do you?" Dimitri asked. 

Felix shook his head and growled in frustration. At least he could still do that. He wasn't sure if humans growled, but his mate did sometimes, so it had to be okay. 

"We'll have to figure something out. I don't suppose you remember how to write either?" Dimitri asked. 

Felix titled his head in confusion. What was writing?

Dimitri sighed. "This might be a bit more difficult than I anticipated, but we will teach you to talk. You seem to understand me fine, and your vocal cords should be unharmed. I don't see any reason you couldn't learn to speak." 

Felix wasn't so sure. What the hell were vocal cords anyway? His face must've expressed his disbelief because Dimitri kissed his forehead. "You'll be fine love, don't worry." Which was funny, because he's sure Dimitri wasn't so sure of that himself. It made it hard for Felix to believe him, but he did his best to pretend like he did. 

"For now, you should focus on resting. The professor said it'll take a while before you regain your full strength again." Dimitri told him. Who the hell was the professor?! Felix really wished he could talk. 

"Don't worry too much, I'll explain everything to you soon. We'll work on finding something to fix your memories and teach you to speak, while you rest. It's important that you don't strain yourself." Dimitri said, gently lifting him and setting him back in bed. What he was supposed to do now? Felix titled his head in confusion. 

"Rest, love. I'll be back later. I have to help find a solution for your problems. As much as I love to spend time with you, if I did nothing while you suffer I wouldn't be able to live with myself." 

Felix nodded and laid down. Suddenly he was incredibly tired. He didn't really get why the memory thing was such a big deal, but he did want to learn to communicate if he was going to be human. Or at least, people needed to stop acting like Felix remembered everything and start explaining from the begging. That would work too. But humans seemed to need speech to express themselves. At least some did. Felix found the ones that didn't better than the rest, but he wouldn't tell Dimitri that after he learned to talk. Of course, Dimitri was superior to other humans in his own ways. 

Suddenly he felt the darkness taking him and started to panic. He forgot if he rested for too long, they would kill him. He was a beast after all. "It's alright, my love. No one will hurt you here. I'll make sure of it." His mate's voice said, his hand petting him. It was a familiar action and reassured him. He allowed the darkness to take him this time, drifting to sleep. 


	5. Intermission

"Professor," Dimitri walked into their office, making sure to be as intimidating as possible. He should be grateful they'd helped him change Felix back. He was grateful. They'd helped Felix to calm down a bit, and stop trying to attack them. At least, he didn't try to attack him or Annette. 

But the professor had forgotten to fix something crucial. Felix's memory. He had to make sure he was clear when he said would do whatever it takes to get Felix back, no matter what it was. 

"Dimitri," They said calmly, setting some papers down. The professor didn't seem to be fazed, they never did. That didn't mean they weren't intimidated, but Dimitri had no way of telling with them. At least, the professor didn't read him as an enemy. They had a different expression with enemies.

"I thought you said that spell would change Felix back?" Dimitri asked slowly. 

"It didn't?" The professor asked, looking alarmed this time. 

"No, he is back in his human form. But he has no memory of being human at all and doesn't remember how to speak. He doesn't even know what writing is. I doubt he remembers our names." Dimitri explained. 

The professor sighed. "I guess the spell did work as intended, but not the way I'd hoped. It didn't say anything about memories, only changing forms." 

"And you didn't think about that problem before you cast it?" Dimitri yelled, slamming his hands on the professor's desk. It wobbled a bit. Later he'd get them a new one to make up for it, but right now he was too livid to care. 

"No, I didn't. But I also didn't expect his spirit to be in two when I got here."

"Well, you should've!" 

"No one's successfully changed a demonic beast back into a human before. This is the first occurrence in history. I suppose we should've expected some hiccups, but I'll make sure to fix everything. I won't ever let my students down." The professor said, determination in their tone. Dimitri almost believed them. Almost. But believing was a dangerous thing. He couldn't trust them too much. What if they didn't achieve results? He couldn't rely on them alone to fix his problems, he had to make up for his sins on his own. 

Except, he wasn't skilled in magic, and he only managed to make it this far thanks to the professor, Mercedes, and Annette. Sure, he had read dozens of books searching for clues on how to help, but he didn't understand them as well as someone like Mercedes could. After a quick scan, it was best to take his findings to her. When the voices of the dead kept him up at night, he went to the infirmary to check over her notes. He hardly understood a thing, but new notes were a good sign.

"You better hope you don't," Dimitri said, before walking out of their office. Threatening the professor won't get him anywhere, he realized. It had no effect on them, just as it hadn't on Mercedes. He needed to try a different approach, but he wasn't sure what that could possibly be. 

No use dwelling on it right now. He informed one of the maids in the castle to tell Mercedes and Annette the professor wanted to see them. They could explain their failures to them themself. 

Ha. Dimitri couldn't help but laugh to himself. It wasn't the professor's failure, Mercedes' failure, anyone else's other than himself. He had caused Felix to become like this. It was his fault. Glenn had told him so. 

It wasn't useful to dwell on the dead, Felix had told him. So he did his best to keep moving and went to the library. There had to be something there that could help with Felix's memory, teaching him to speak, anything. Anything to help Felix. 

Nothing. After a few hours of searching, Dimitri had found absolutely nothing to help Felix. The only thing he could do now was go back to Felix empty-handed. He was useless. He made himself go back, even if he couldn't bear to face Felix's disappointment. 

"Aaah!" A voice said from inside their chambers, making the sound like a doctor was trying to check their throat. Dimitri didn't have time to process who it was before he barged in, miraculously not breaking the door this time. 

"Aaah! Come on Felix, you can do it!" Annette repeated the sound again, the source of the noise from before. She standing in front of where Felix was sitting on the bed. He glanced at Dimitri, before opening his mouth and trying to make the sound. When it didn't work, Felix crossed his arms and growled in frustration. Dimitri could practically hear him saying 'This is stupid.'

"Come on Felix, if you did it once, you can do it again!" Annette encouraged, seeming much more determined than Felix himself. The latter just scowled at her. There was something comforting about seeing that scowl, Dimitri had missed it. 

"Wait, did you say he was able to produce the sound before?" Dimitri asked, just now processing the information. 

Annette jumped. "Oh, Your Majesty! I didn't see you there!" Which was something considering Dimitri almost broke the door down. At least she was good at focusing on the task at hand. 

"Yes, he was able to do it before, I showed him how! Don't worry, Merci and the professor are still looking for something to help him with his memory. I'd help too, but I'm more of a Reason girl, plus I didn't want Felix to be lonely. It also helps that I'm the only one besides you that he didn't try to burn the face off of." Annette said, a bit too cheery for talking about her friend's possible deaths. He supposed it was better than being menacing like himself. Was that a better strategy? Could he cheerfully threaten the professor to find a cure faster? Dimitri almost laughed at the thought. 

"I appreciate your help." Dimitri said honestly. Since threatening people wasn't working out, he'd do his best to be nice. He didn't want to hurt his friend's feelings, but he also couldn't rest until Felix was completely back to normal. At least he was out of that awful dungeon now. Dimitri hated having to keep him in there. 

"It's no problem! We should break for lunch though." Annette said, turning to Felix. 

"A-aah?" 

Annette squealed. "Good work Felix! We'll have another lesson again soon!" Annette waved at him, and after a moment Felix copied her gesture. "See you!" She said before leaving their chambers. 

After she left, Felix looked at Dimitri confused. He only laughed. He didn't mean to make light of Felix's struggles, he was just so happy to have him back. At least, partially so. 

"I'm sure you have a lot of questions after that...lesson. If you're confused about this," Dimitri waved at Felix. "It can be used as a greeting or parting gesture, it's called waving." 

Felix only stared at him blankly for a moment, before waving to Dimitri. Dimitri chuckled and waved back. "Hello, Felix." 

He sat next to Felix on their bed. It had more than enough space for both of them. "I believe Annette was right to say that we should have lunch. I'm sure you're starving." Dimitri told him. Felix nodded eagerly, reminding him a bit of a puppy. Even when he was in the form of a demonic beast, Dimitri couldn't see him as such. Dimitri could never be afraid of Felix. Even if the hit with his tail had hurt, it was accidental. Dimitri could endure that and more for Felix. 


	6. Spar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicidal thoughts and plan? Lack of concern for one's life. A non-consensual kiss.

A few weeks had passed by with what seemed like little progress. Felix's speech improved a bit, but he still wasn't able to remember anything. Dimitri was failing him. Glenn was speaking to him more and more, asking him why he did this to his brother. Dimitri apologized over and over, but he knew it wasn't enough. It never would be until Felix was whole again. 

One night, Dimitri had awoken from terrible nightmares. In the dream, Felix was in his demonic beast form again, attacking their friends. Their friends didn't see any other choice, so they put him down. Then Dimitri slaughtered them all. He couldn't allow them to live after taking the life of his lover, even if it had been a necessity. The dream had scared Dimitri. What if that outcome happened in real life? Would Dimitri act the same? Dimitri decided if it ever came down to something similar, he wouldn't kill his friends for defending themselves. He'd simply take his own life. He wouldn't allow anyone else to be affected by his mistakes. 

"So you think it's alright if people kill my brother? You won't retaliate at all? You'll just run away?" Glenn appeared before him, and Dimitri instinctively helped Felix tighter in his arms. The other was still sleeping, it was still dark out after all. Dimitri didn't want to disturb him, but he couldn't just ignore Glenn. 

"I apologize Glenn, but I don't think Felix would be happy if they perished," Dimitri whispered. 

"What about me? You think I'm going to be at peace knowing you let people murder my brother?!" 

"I'm sorry! I will kill them if I must." Dimitri promised. Though he hoped it wouldn't come down to it. 

Unfortunately, his yelling woke up Felix. He was a fool. First, he causes Felix all of this suffering, and now he interrupts his much needed rest? 

Felix sat up and tilted his head in confusion, escaping Dimitri's embrace. 

"I'm sorry love, I didn't mean to wake you." Dimitri apologized. 

Felix pointed to Dimitri's throat. Dimitri could only assume Felix was trying to ask _'who were you talking to?'_

"No one, do not worry." Dimitri tried to reassure him. 

"Dimi," Felix scolded, crossing his arms. Saying that was easier for Felix than saying his full name. 

"...I see people that have already passed on." Dimitri tried to explain, knowing Felix wouldn't let it drop. 

Felix looked confused for a second, before he said, "No."

"What do you mean?" Dimitri asked. 

"No," Felix repeated. Was he trying to claim Dimitri didn't see the dead?

"And how do you know that's the case?" Dimitri asked him. 

Felix shrugged and then crossed his arms again. "I know." He said angrily. It seemed he didn't know how he knew such things. Either that or he didn't know how to voice how he did. 

"So you're saying I'm not actually seeing the dead?" Dimitri asked. 

Felix nodded. 

Dimitri sighed. He knew that he shouldn't dwell on the dead, but sometimes it was hard to remember the dead weren't actually there. Or were they? Everyone tried to convince Dimitri the people he was seeing weren't real, but he was never fully convinced. Still, Felix had told him to focus on the living. At least, when he could talk properly and remembered everything. And right now he couldn't because of Dimitri. It was all his fault. 

"Stop," Felix ordered, slapping him on the arm lightly. Could he read his thoughts? Or was the self-loathing clear on his face? Perhaps that was the case, it did make more sense. 

"I apologize, it's just a bit hard with the current situation. Not that it's your fault. It's mine. If it wasn't for me, you would still be able to talk and remember everything." 

Felix shrugged. Dimitri had been beginning to notice he didn't care much about his lost memories, but he would if he could remember. Even if it didn't bother Felix, Dimitri wouldn't take the situation lightly. 

Felix laid back down, and it seemed that was the end of their conversation for the night. Dimitri didn't make a sound after that, even if his ghost were shouting at him. 

The next day, Felix requested something rather odd. They'd just finished breakfast. Dimitri tried to help him with his table manners, but he wasn't that great at them himself. At least now they were at a point where Felix wasn't much worse than Dimitri. He really needed to work on that, he'd been doing better but the three months with Felix in the dungeon had been hard on him. 

After they were done eating, Felix pointed to his mouth. "There's nothing on your face if that's what you're asking." Felix shook his head. Dimitri still wasn't great at guessing what Felix was trying to say. He'd have to do better. 

"Are you still hungry?" Dimitri tried again. Felix shook his head. 

Dimitri then thought of an idea. "Do you want this?" Dimitri pecked him on the lips. After he pulled away Felix growled and shook his head. So it seems that was not what he wanted. 

"I apologize, I didn't understand. I'm still not quite sure what you're trying to tell me." Dimitri admitted. 

Felix blew a puff of air in his face, then looked confused. 

"...Are you trying to light me on fire?" Dimitri hesitantly questioned. 

Felix shrugged. 

Dimitri sighed. "Does this have to do with what you were trying to tell me at all?" 

Felix nodded. 

"You weren't trying to tell me you were going to light me on fire, were you?" Dimitri asked warily. Felix shook his head in frustration. He tried to breathe fire at him again but nothing came out of his mouth but air. 

"Are you looking to spar?" Dimitri tried. Felix nodded eagerly. By some miracle he had guessed right. 

"It'd be best to let your food settle first," He told him. Usually, if Felix wished to spar right after breakfast with him he would oblige. But right now Felix seemed more fragile than he had before, and Dimitri felt like it was his job to protect him.

"Are you going to use a weapon?" Dimitri asked him. Felix shook his head and pointed to his mouth again. "I don't think your fire is going to work, Felix." Felix just crossed his arms and growled.

"I wouldn't want to fight you without a weapon, and I don't think you remember how to use a sword. If you're interested in fire, there might be another way you can produce it." 

After half an hour, Dimitri bought Felix to the castle's training grounds, Annette in tow. She was the only person Felix hadn't tried to burn the face off of. Considering what happened earlier, Dimitri hoped it would stay that way. 

"His Majesty told me you wanted to learn magic. Well, you may have already done some magic when you were beast, or does that not actually count as magic? Anyway, I came here to teach you how to make fire. Even though I can't do it myself, but I should be able to teach you in theory. But please don't burn anyone, that wouldn't be too good." Annette rambled to Felix. 

Felix nodded and took a moment to glance at Dimitri, his expression looked almost as if he was challenging him. He wanted to spar, so Dimitri would find a way to make it work where neither of them got hurt. Or at least Felix wouldn't get hurt. Felix needed to fight at some point. Even without his human memories, this was still Felix. 

"Alright, the first thing you need to do is..." Dimitri tuned out Annette's explanation. Perhaps it was a bit rude, but she was teaching Felix, not him. Dimitri wasn't great at magic, and he didn't think he ever would be. 

With Felix distracted, it gave him time to think. Would Felix's memories ever return? He didn't seem to care, but surely Felix would be much happier with them. Even if not, it was wrong to let someone forget their whole life. Felix had a right to know the events of his life. But would that ever be possible? It had seemed far fetched for him to ever return to his human form. Was that miracle as much as they could do for him? Was he doomed to never remember anything? He seemed to somewhat remember Dmitri, at least Felix trusted and cared for him. But he didn't remember everything, how much of a struggle it was for them to get to this place, to be together. Perhaps it was actually for the best. 

What a selfish thought. Felix had to remember. If he didn't, Dimitri would have failed him. He would never forgive himself. Felix shouldn't either. Glenn certainly wouldn't. 

"Ahh! Felix!" The scream was Annette's, and Dimitri paid attention just in time to dodge a fireball headed his way. "You could've hurt him!" Annette exclaimed. 

Felix didn't pay her any mind, he simply pointed at Dimitri, then his own eyes. It seemed he was saying _'Pay attention.'_

"Are you alright Your Majesty? I didn't realize after I taught him fire the first thing he'd aim at was you!" Annette said. 

"It's alright Annette, I'm unharmed." Dimitri assured. Even if he was, Felix could do what he wished with him. He had to make up for allowing Felix to be turned into a demonic beast in the first place. He wouldn't have had to throw the fireball if it wasn't for him. 

"You have to be more careful! Fire can hurt people." Annette warned Felix. He just got in her face and started growling at her. Dimitri quickly shoved himself in between the two. "I think it's best if you leave Annette. He seems more irritable today." He had tried to burn Dimitri two times today, so maybe that was an understatement. 

"Are you going to be okay?" Annette asked Dimitri worriedly. "I appreciate your concern, but I'll be fine. You know very well that I can take care of myself." Dimitri told her. "If you want to help, it'd be better to focus on helping Mercedes and the professor." 

"I'll do my best then." Annette said, leaving Dimitri alone with Felix, but not before glancing back worriedly at them one more time. 

"Are you ready to spar Felix?" He asked. Felix nodded impatiently. "I'm not very good at magic, so I think it'll be best if I get a weapon." Felix nodded, and Dimitri went to go get a training lance. 

After he returned, he got into a fighting stance. "Are you ready?" He asked Felix. Felix didn't waste time and immediately threw a fireball at him. Dimitri dodged easily. "Is that the best you can do?" Perhaps he shouldn't have egged Felix on, but it was difficult to not fall into their familiar routine at the sparring ground. They usually taunted each other, it was a force of habit. 

Felix threw another fireball, but Dimitri dodged. Dimitri came at him with a lance, but Felix dodged just in time. They were going at it for a while, neither landing a hit (though honestly, Dimitri was holding back), when Felix moved back a bit. He raised his hands as if to cast a spell, but there was no way Felix could hit him with a fireball from that far away. Perhaps he was surrendering? 

That didn't seem to be the case, as Felix did launch a spell, Thoron. It can be cast from a greater distance than fireballs, but how was Felix able to use it when he hadn't ever learned it before? 

Unfourtnelty, Dimitri wasn't expecting this and went down with the impact of the spell. "Your magic's gotten better..." He said from the ground weakly. 

Felix ran over to him, kneeling down by his side. "Dimi!"

"This is what you deserve for making my brother suffer, it makes sense he got his revenge." Glenn stood above him and said. 

"Yes, it makes sense. I do deserve pain after all the suffering I've caused." Dimitri answered. 

"Dimi!" Felix yelled again, shaking him. 

"I'm not mad Felix, I deserved it." 

Glenn seemed satisfied with his punishment and left. Felix eventually left him, too, running out of the training grounds. Dimitri did not know if he simply beginning to lose conciseness or dying, but if it was the latter it was a fitting end for a monster such as himself. 


	7. Was it an Accident?

Felix ran. He didn't know where he was headed, but he ran. He had to find Annette. Or that Mercedes person or Professor person Dimitri kept mentioning. Anyone. 

"Whoa Felix, what's going on? What's wrong?" That red-headed man Felix found to be particularly annoying stopped him. Felix didn't remember his name. 

"Dimi," Felix said frantically, hoping that would explain everything. It's not like he could say much else. 

"Dimi? You mean Dimitri?" Felix quickly nodded. "Is he in trouble?" Felix nodded again. "Lead the way." They started running toward the training grounds but soon got stopped by a blonde woman with armor that Felix also didn't remember the name of. She had visited him in the dungeons also and wasn't as annoying as the red-headed man, but Felix still didn't care for her that much. 

"What's wrong?" She asked after starting to run alongside them. 

"His Majesty's in trouble." The man explained. 

"Should I get a healer?" The woman asked. 

"Felix?" The man looked to him, and Felix nodded. 

"Where are you headed?" The woman asked. 

"Are we going towards the training grounds?" The man asked. Felix nodded. 

"Meet us there with a healer Ingrid." The man said. 

"Of course." The woman, Ingrid, said before running off in the other direction. 

They arrived at the training grounds soon after, but not fast enough. "Woah." The man said as soon as he saw Dimitri. "He looks pretty pale, was he hit with magic?" Sylvain asked, kneeling down and putting two fingers on Dimitri's neck. Checking his pulse maybe? 

Felix nodded guiltily. After The man was finished with Dimitri, he asked Felix, "Do you know what spell it was?" Felix nodded and blasted the same spell he did before at something in the corner of the room. Felix didn't know what it was he aimed at. It looked like a person but wasn't actually a person. He guessed it was something they used to practice fighting. 

The red-headed man's eyes went wide. "Wait, did _you_ do this to him?" 

Felix hesitantly nodded. He hadn't meant to make Dimitri pass out, he just wanted to have a little fun. For some reason he knew the man was stronger than anyone. He could handle a little bit of fire, surely. Maybe he could, but apparently, thunder was too much for him. Felix couldn't believe what he'd done to his mate. 

"It's alright, I'm sure it was an accident." He didn't know if the man was trying to convince Felix or himself. Felix didn't respond to his words. It wasn't an accident, not really. 

"I know basic healing magic to help a little, but it'd be better if Mercedes gets here soon." The man said, his hands glowing white and hovering over Dimitri's body. He saw a little color come back to his face, but not much. 

Soon enough Ingrid and Annette rushed in, follow followed by several other people. "Dimitri." A man exclaimed, his eyes going wide with shock. The man who had spoken had silver hair and a large build.

"He was caught off guard with a Thoron spell. I did some basic healing." The red-headed man explained, moving out of the way for who Felix assumed was Mercedes. She quickly got to work healing. 

"Was there an intruder?" The silver-haired man asked.

The red-headed one shook his head. "No, there wasn't." He simply said.

The silver man's eyes then found Felix's. He knew what he'd done, Felix could tell. What he didn't expect was the pure rage behind his eyes. "You did this to His Majesty?" The man yelled. 

"Calm down, it was an accident." The red-headed man defended him, standing in front of him to protect him in case the silver-haired man got violent. Felix thinks he liked him a little better now. 

"We shouldn't have allowed him to be in His Majesty's presence without his memories. It's far too dangerous, especially in the training grounds." The silver-haired man said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Dedue." The red-headed man said to the silver-haired man, who he guessed was Dedue. 

"Felix, was it an accident?" Annette asked him. Felix didn't say anything. "I told you to be careful..." 

"What do you mean?" Another silver-haired man, this one with a smaller frame, asked. 

"I sort of taught Felix how to shoot fireballs. His Majesty told me that Felix wanted to spar, and he was upset he couldn't breathe fire anymore. So I taught him magic. I thought I only taught him the basics, but it seems I was a better teacher than I thought..." She said guiltily. Felix would tell her it wasn't her fault if he could figure out how to say the damn words. 

"So you thought it was fit to blast Thoron at him to win?" Dedue asked. 

"No!" Felix yelled. He could at least say that word. 

"Dedue, I understand you're worried about His Majesty, I am as well, but it would be best to wait until he wakes up for answers." Ingrid said, putting a hand on Dedue's shoulder. The man only glared at Felix. 

"Dimitri should be fine, but I should probably take him to the infirmary to observe his recovery. Sylvain, could you stay with Felix while Dimitri recovers?" Mercedes asked. 

"Sure thing," The red-head, Sylvain, said, clapping Felix on the shoulder.

Sylvain walked Felix back to his chambers. Felix was extremely worried about Dimitri. Mercedes said he would be okay, but what if that wasn't true? What if he had killed his mate? Or made it so he couldn't defend himself ever again? If that was the case, Felix would protect him, he swore it. 

"Relax, His Majesty'll be fine. If he could survive the war, he can survive one blast of magic." Sylvain tried to reassure him, patting him on the shoulder. Felix titled his head in confusion. What war?

"Right, you don't remember the war. Well, His Majesty was something like a beast during that time. He could kill several men by himself, but it wasn't the safest route. That's why we helped him." Sylvain tried his best to explain without overwhelming Felix.

Felix pointed himself with his eyebrows raised. _'Me?'_

"Yeah, you helped too. Everyone did. Well, maybe not everyone, more like half of the people in this castle." Sylvain explained. 

Sylvain explained some more things to him, about the war, officers academy, and his friends. Apparently, he and Sylvain were friends since childhood, along with Dimitri and Ingrid. Dimitri was referred to as king, but Felix hadn't known that he belonged to a royal bloodline. Felix just thought people served him was because he was superior to everyone else. Sylvain told him the names he was missing, who the professor was, a general summary of his life. Though Felix suspected he left out some important details. Who were the dead Dimitri thought he saw? How had he turned into a demonic beast in the first place if it wasn't what he'd always been? He couldn't get answers, especially if he wasn't able to ask the questions. He had to get better at talking or learn that writing thing Dimitri had mentioned before. He could understand everyone, so why was it so hard to speak the words? Felix growled in frustration. 

"You okay?" Sylvain asked him cautiously. He probably wasn't sure if Felix would attack him, and he had a right to be scared. He injured his mate after all. If he could do that, who's to say he wouldn't hurt anyone? 

Felix nodded. He wasn't okay but didn't want Sylvain to think he was a threat to him. 

"If you're thinking about His Majesty don't worry too much. He's always been really strong, ever since he was a kid. Since I got all the boring stories out of the way, I think some fun ones are an order. When His Majesty was nine...."

Sylvain seemed like he was trying to cheer Felix up, but the latter had been in a sour mood for the rest of the day. He growled at anyone who entered the room, no matter who it was. 

Eventually, Annette had come to visit. 

"I'm sorry Felix, I should've been more careful with my teachings. I should've made sure you had more lessons in safety before I taught you how to actually cast fire." Annette explained guiltily.

Felix didn't want her to feel bad, but he couldn't help but growl at her. What happened to his mate had been no else's fault but his own. He'd tell Dimitri as much when he awoke. If he awoke. 

"If there's anything I can do to make it up to you or His Majesty, let me know," Annette told him. 

Felix just shook his head and also managed to stop growling. Doing it all day had grown tiring. Annette didn't need to make up for anything, this was his fault. 

"There's nothing I can do to make it up to you?" Annette asked in concern. 

How the hell was he supposed to explain this to her? Sylvain had stepped out for a minute to take care of something, so he couldn't rely on him to translate. Not that he could tell what Felix was thinking anyway. Dimitri had been best at that, even if he had gotten wrong on his first few tries, he always figured it out eventually. 

Felix would just have to do his best. He shook his head while pointing at himself. That probably didn't explain much, but it was worth a shot. Then he pointed at Annette. 

"You're...not sure if there's anything I can do?" Annette asked. 

Felix shook his head. 

"You're hungry!" Annette exclaimed suddenly. Felix only looked at her in confusion. Where the hell had she gotten that idea?

"So that's not it, is it. Maybe I can think about it, and tell you later when I figure it out?" 

Felix just shrugged. 

"Are you...not mad at me?" 

Felix did a thumbs up. He learned that gesture from Sylvain. 

"Was that what you were trying to tell me?" 

Felix nodded. It was close enough, anyway.

"Oh really? I got it! I guess it was just an accident. And His Majesty will be fine soon, Merci will make sure of it." Annette said, sounding so sure that would be the case. 

Felix hoped so. 


	8. Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Lack of concern for one's life.

Some days had passed, Felix wasn't sure how many but it felt like an eternity, before he was finally able to see Dimitri. Supervised. He supposed he deserved it, but it didn't mean he was happy about it. 

Felix growled throughout the hallways on the walk to the infirmary. "I know you're upset Felix, but growling isn't going to help the situation. You know some people still think you did it on purpose, and you're not able to explain what happened. His Majesty wouldn't say a word until he was allowed to see you." Ingrid told him. 

Felix paled. If Dimitri wasn't speaking, did that mean he was mad at him? Felix hoped not, but he did deserve it. 

Once they arrived at the infirmary, Felix couldn't help but rush to Dimitri's side. But he didn't touch him. He was afraid of hurting him. All the color was back in Dimitri's face now, and he looked a lot better, save for the bags under his eyes. 

"I'm alright love, there's no need to worry." Dimitri soothed, pulling Felix down to sit on his infirmary bed. 

"Dimi...sorry." Felix managed to say. 

"It's alright, I don't hold it against you. Can we have a moment alone please?" Dimitri asked Ingrid. 

"I'm afraid I can't do that. Others are afraid that he could get violent." 

"That's an order." 

"We're all just concerned, Your Majesty. We're not saying he'd do it on purpose, but his past memories are only those of a beast's." 

"Then let me speak with everyone. Felix is not a threat to me, there's no reason to be concerned." Dimitri demanded. 

"What _did_ actually happen that day?" Ingrid asked. 

"Since everyone seems so concerned about what happened, and not trusting my word, bring everyone here. I'll explain exactly what happened." Dimitri ordered with rage in his voice. 

"...Of course, Your Majesty," Ingrid said, bowing before leaving. 

"I can't believe they do not trust you." Dimitri told him after she left. Felix only bowed his head in shame. He had hurt Dimitri. It made sense they didn't trust him.

"It's not your fault, please do not believe anything of the sort." Dimitri tried to assure him, cupping his cheek. Felix didn't meet his eyes. "I promise you I don't think what happened is your fault, what others may think will not affect how I feel." 

Dimitri held Felix close to his chest until everyone arrived. 

"Your Majesty, I'm glad you're alright." Dedue said. 

"Yes, so am I. So I can explain to everyone what actually happened. If I had passed would you all blame Felix while he cannot properly defend himself?" No one answered him. "Well?!" He demanded an answer. 

"While he did admit to using a spell, Sylvain did tell us was an accident," Ashe explained nervously. He dropped by Felix's room a couple of times since the event. It seemed he wasn't too mad at Felix. At least, he didn't think he'd purposefully hurt anyone. 

"How did you know it was an accident if he isn't able to speak and you said you weren't at the scene when the incident happened?" Dedue asked. 

"...I may have assumed it was an accident, but-" Sylvain started before Dimitri cut him off. 

"It was my fault. Do not blame Felix for something that was my responsibility. He wanted to spar, and I let him. I asked Annette to teach him magic, Felix didn't request anything of the sort. I shouldn't have underestimated him as I did. Felix struck me when I wasn't expecting it. I didn't fight him against my will, I agreed to spar with him. I shouldn't have agreed when Felix doesn't currently have memories of a human life." 

Something changed in Felix after Dimitri's speech. He wouldn't just sit and watch Dimitri blame himself. 

"It _was_ my fault! I'm the one who threw the spell at you, I knew you weren't expecting it. Did you leave out the part where I tried to breathe fire at you after breakfast? Or threw the first fireball I learned to conjure at you without warning? You can't make everything seem like it's your fault all the time!" Felix suddenly yelled. How had he remembered how to talk? His outburst left everyone in the room shocked, Felix included, however, Dimitri was quick to regain his composure. 

"It is my fault, Felix. It is my punishment for allowing you to turn into a beast." 

"Not everything revolves around you. Sometimes things just happen that aren't part of this grand scheme to punish you for what you've done. Sometimes people make mistakes, and they aren't your fault." Felix protested. 

"...Did you remember how to talk?" Dimitri asked as if realizing that for the first time. 

Felix couldn't respond. The room was spinning again, and dark spots were clouding his vision. This was like the time he was turning human. Was he turning back into a demonic beast? Was his human form only temporary? If that was the case, were these thoughts and memories temporary too? Would he soon forget his own name and the smell of his mate? Was he about to attack everyone? 

"Felix, are you al-?" Felix didn't get to hear the rest of Dimitri's sentence before he passed out. He was afraid of what he would be when he awoke. 

* * *

"His memories are returning, but it was too much for his body to handle at once, so he passed out. It seemed the spell worked better than we thought, we just had to be patient." The professor explained to everyone after checking Felix, using some sort of magic to do so. 

"Will he be alright?" Dimitri asked worriedly. 

"Yes, he should be back to his normal self when he wakes up." The professor told him. 

"Thank you." He said sincerely. "I'm sorry for threatening you, for threatening all of you." 

"We forgive you, Dimitri. You were worried. We all were." Mercedes said. 

"Despite what he said, please do not blame Felix for what happened." Dimitri wouldn't tolerate people placing the blame on Felix.

"It was an accident," Annette said.

"Yes, I suppose you're right." Dedue eventually agreed. 

"He wasn't in his right mind after he changed back, I shouldn't have been so harsh on him." Ingrid said. 

"I'm sure Felix won't be angry at you when awakens," Dimitri assured. Sure, he got angry easily, but he was sure Felix would understand their situation.

It only took Felix about ten minutes to wake up, and when he did he was in fact angry. Not at their friends like they were worried about. No, he was angry at Dimitri. 

"Were you always this dense, or did the war knock some brains out of you?" Felix asked him. From that sentence, Dimitri was certain all his memories had come back to him.

"Felix," Ingrid scolded, but she was smiling a bit. She must be happy Felix was back to normal.

"Can we have a moment?" Dimitri asked. Everyone complied this time. 

"You idiot! Why would you spar with someone who thinks they're a demonic beast!" Felix yelled after they left. "What if I killed you?"

"It would be my punishment to bear, Felix." Dimitri told him.

"Do you know how hard I fought to make it back to you? I didn't come back for you to throw your life away over a stupid sparring match!" 

"You do realize I'm the reason you had to fight your way back, don't you Felix? I'm the one that caused you to change into a beast." 

"It was my choice to save you. And I'm not dead. Can you stop blaming yourself for all of this? You didn't ask me to save you, I decided to do it. I even learned some long-range magic out of this so I shouldn't have to jump in front of you again." 

"That is a rather optimistic way of looking at things...though I don't think it's right. Surely you're at least a little bit mad at me for-" 

Felix caught him off guard with a kiss. It was a hungry one, the one Dimitri had been waiting for what seemed like forever. They hadn't kissed properly for months after all. 

"Will you shut up? I'm only mad at you for going on and on about stuff that's already over. Stop dwelling on the past. It's over. I'm back now. We also made an important discovery. If anyone else gets changed into a beast, we have a chance to save them now." 

"I suppose you're right, that is a very important discovery...I'm sorry Felix, I never meant for this to happen." 

"Will you stop apologizing? I just said it's fine. Do I have to kiss you again for you to shut up?" 

"Yes, I would like that very much." Dimitri admitted, turning a bit red. 

"Come here, you idiot." Felix said and was about to kiss him again, before he paused. "You know I love you no matter what, right?" 

"Of course Felix, it's the same for me." Dimitri said. He did believe that. If Felix could love Dimitri after all he's done, he could love him through anything. 

"Even when it seemed as if I hated you, I still loved you." Felix admitted, blushing a bit. Dimitri always enjoyed it when Felix turned red. 

"I'll admit, I wasn't too sure if that was the case, but it reassures me to know that you did. I've always loved you too, even in my darkest times. I just wasn't able to express or properly realize it." 

"It's fine. I'll forgive you if you kiss me." 

"Gladly." 


End file.
